In a shock development, BMW – Munich’s largest car manufacturer – has sacked its entire design team.
The news follows the unveiling of the 2 Series Gran Coupe, a car described by one horrified onlooker as “almost as ugly as the Mercedes-Benz CLA but just as pointless”. Sources claim the negative reaction – most notably on Twitter – has prompted BMW to take drastic action.
The 2 Series Gran Coupe is the latest car to be subjected to ‘death by Twitter’, with organisers of the Los Angeles Big Show of Automobiles considering issuing a NSFW warning ahead of its debut in November.
BMW has had enough. Still smarting from its grille-related grilling, the company has sent its designers home and is set to turn the design office into a museum entitled ‘Kidneys and Kinks: When BMW Had Style’.
All future models will be designed via Twitter, with armchair critics invited to submit their design proposals for the next-generation saloons and SUVs. The package is negotiable, but will include a supply of black roll-neck sweaters, a lifetime supply of skinny lattes and access to the company Saab 900.
BMW is looking forward to building a range of cars that will be loved by motoring journalists but will fail miserably, leaving dealers with a showroom filled with highly-specced white elephants (demonstrators).
A spokesperson for BMW said: “It’s clear that we’ve wasted millions of euros researching the market to discover what buyers want from our cars. We bow to the people of Twitter and their knowledge of safety regulations, aerodynamics and efficiency. Who needs designers?
“We’ve furnished the boardroom with new armchairs to make the critics feel at home. We’re looking forward to a #long and #fruitful #relationship with our #social #media #friends.”
Speaking on behalf of the people of Twitter, @69BimmerLOVE said: “WTF, #hatin @BMW #2GrandCoupe #grill NOT AS COOL AS MY E36, IMHO.”
A spokesperson for Mercedes thanked BMW for taking the heat away from its increasingly horrendous-looking range of cars.