The world of motoring writing was plunged into crisis today when it emerged that car buyers don’t give a hoot about ‘some hard plastics’.
For years, ‘some hard plastics’ has been used as a throwaway term to say something negative about a car’s interior. New research* shows that new car buyers are happy to accept ‘some hard plastics’ in a cabin. Plastics are thought to be superior to door panels made from blancmange and dashboards constructed using Fuzzy-Felt.
That said, the idea of an interior ‘swathed in Fuzzy-Felt’ is curiously appealing. Because Nappa and Alcantara are so overrated.
The revelation has shocked new car reviewers and road testers. Many rely on ‘some hard plastics’ to provide some balance after praising a car’s ‘pliant ride’ and ‘cavernous boot’. YouTube reviewers are wondering if the customary knock on the top of the dashboard is now redundant.
There are rumours that footage featuring ‘scratchy plastics’ and ‘some hard plastics found in the lower half of the cabin’ will be replaced by catch-all phrases such as ‘the interior is a nice place to be’ and ‘the controls fall nicely to hand.’
The entirely fabricated study found that motorists only come into contact with the top of the dashboard when they’re retrieving a wayward pay-and-display ticket from that crevice at the base of the windscreen. It also revealed that more people have visited North Sentinel Island than have ventured south of a car’s ‘Tropic of Capricorn’ (the centre console).
In a separate development, a new car buyer was left scratching his head after he bought a car after a review commented on the ‘woolly steering’. The chap was disappointed to discover that this didn’t mean a steering wheel wrapped in a sheep’s coat. Best not venture down the road of the ‘nuggety’ ride…