It’s funny how things change. Back in April 2011, when PETROLBLOG unveiled the first Real World Dream Barn, the list of 10 cars was pretty much set in stone. Ten relatively affordable cars that wouldn’t leave a dent in a lottery win.
Now, seven years on, two things come to mind. Firstly, it’s hardly a snappy title. Secondly, none of the cars would make a top 10 list in 2018. Which presents an opportunity for a rethink and a reboot. Mesdames and Messieurs, please welcome The Barn.
Granted, it’s a simple title, but it does the job. Besides, the rules are anything but ordinary. For The Barn: reloaded, you must select a car for 10 distinct categories, each one costing no more than £10,000. If you’re going to commit to 10 dream cars, you should buy something for every occasion and eventuality, and this includes when the oil wells start to run dry.
Hot hatch: Honda Integra Type R
There are dozens of potential suitors in the sub-£10k price bracket, so you can pretty much pick and choose from some of the best in the business. Indeed, aside from the Peugeot 205 GTI, which requires a small mortgage and not a car loan, you can purchase a Frenchie for a fraction of the budget.
It’s tempting to opt for the Citroën AX GT, but that’s arguably a little fragile for extended use. And, as much as I love my Citroën ZX 16v and Xsara VTS, they’re not particularly great if you fancy travelling much further than your nearest B-road.
Which is why I’m opting for a Honda Integra Type R. Unlike the priceless Pug it remains affordable, but you just know that prices will head north in years to come. It also looks a million yen and features a pair of red Recaros, while the rev-hungry VTEC engine would be a welcome tonic in this era of turbocharging and WLTP figures.
I also have a big thing for 90s Honda interiors. Just call me Mr Strange. And before you say anything, I know the Integra stretches the definition of a hot hatch. But it’s a hot hatch in spirit, so that’s good enough for me.
Family wagon: Mercedes-Benz W123 T
W123 Estate, S123 or W123T: whatever you call it, Mercedes-Benz peaked early when it came to building its first wagon. It might be a cliché, but this could be all the estate car you’ll ever need. Finding a weakness is like searching for a sober German at Oktoberfest.
“The way every car should be built,” proclaimed Mercedes in the late 70s, and back then it had a point. If life with a W123 has taught me anything, it’s that they – meaning the entire industry – don’t make ’em wot like they used to.
Supremely comfortable, spacious, good looking and classless enough to be suitable for any occasion – what more could you want from a wagon? A 280TE would be perfect, thank you. With a pair of rear-facing seats in the boot, obviously.
4×4: Lada Niva Bronto
PETROLBLOG doesn’t do big, lumbering 4x4s, but if it did, it would probably choose a Toyota Land Cruiser. An alternative would be the Dacia Duster 4×4, which is one of a few new cars I would buy with my own money.
The fact is, I’m not sure I really need a 4×4, but I do have a thing for small off-roaders with mountain goat-like characteristics. A Suzuki Jimny would be nice – the 2019 version looks incredible – and the Panda 4×4 is always loitering outside the PB garage hoping to gain entry.
But it’s impossible to look beyond the Lada Niva Bronto, which is available to buy new in Russia for the equivalent of £8,000. Granted, it would cost more to import it into the UK, but it would still work out cheaper than a terribly fashionable Defender or a nouveau riche G-Wagen.
Four-door saloon: Lancia 2000 Sedan
If you’re new to PETROLBLOG, you might find it surprising that my favourite Lancia isn’t the Integrale, Stratos, Montecarlo, Fulvia, 037, Delta S4 or any of the other luminaries from the Italian’s first past. Instead, it’s the humble and understated 2000 Sedan: the best car my father ever owned.
Here’s a quote from PB’s original article on the forgotten saloon: “Not beautiful in the way that a Jaguar E-Type or Lancia Fulvia might be, but gorgeous all the same. The Lancia 2000 is the Ingrid Bergman of 1970s cars – able to remain appealing without the need for make-up or unwanted jewellery. A uniquely Italian saloon car that could only stem from the late ’60s or early ’70s.”
Luxury: Toyota Century
Any car with lace net curtains rather than tinted windows and seats swathed in wool should earn a place in The Barn. Named in honour of the 100th birthday of the company founder Sakichi Toyoda, the Toyota Century is a typically Japanese take on the luxury car formula.
Like the aforementioned Lancia, it’s not what you’d call beautiful, but it’s certainly handsome, not to mention a touch imposing. It’s amazing to think that V8 versions cost less than £10,000, while V12 models are just a touch higher. You could spend the same amount on something German or British, but the difference is: the only maintenance you’ll need to do on the Century is washing the net curtains and applying some Woolite to the seats.
Coupe: Peugeot 406 Coupe
Gracing your driveway with one of Pininfarina’s masterpieces won’t come cheap – unless you fancy a Hyundai Matrix, Shogun Pinin or Focus CC – but there is a way of doing it on a budget.
The Peugeot 406 Coupe is the automotive equivalent of having your baba au rhum and eating it, before returning for seconds. Modern carmakers are doing their level best to sully the good name of the coupe – witness the horror of the Mercedes GLE Coupe – but the 406 is everything a good two-door ‘coop’ should be. Beautiful, sexy and alluring, French and Italian.
Convertible: Saab 900
I simply must have a Saab in The Barn, so a 900 Convertible is my choice for the droptop slot. I’m not fussed if it’s turbocharged or not, but I’d prefer an original flat-fronted version.
The 900 Convertible might be dripping in Swedish charm, but we can thank an American for its introduction. Robert J. Sinclair, president of Saab-Scania America during the 80s, felt that Saab needed a more upmarket vehicle, which flew in the face of Trollhättan’s plan to launch an economy version of the 900.
A pre-production version was unveiled in Geneva in 1983 before series production began in 1986. It proved to be a bit hit, especially in the United States and the commuter belt of southeast England.
Sports car: Vauxhall VX220
Seven years on from my original ‘Real World Dream Barn’, I’m unable to look beyond the Vauxhall VX220 as my choice for the sports car slot. It just about manages to slip below the £10,000 mark, but it won’t be long before a £10k VX220 means a salvage job and a couple of broken clams.
Eco: Chevrolet Volt
I toyed with the idea of making this an electric-only slot, but that doesn’t provide enough scope for barn material. A Renault Fluence would be interesting, but it doesn’t tick the ‘dream’ box. And, as much as like the Renault Zoe, I don’t lie awake at night thinking about it.
Money no object, I’d buy a Chrysler Turbine Car, but that’s never going to happen. I also considered the Mk1 Honda Insight, but that was ruled out on the basis of having no rear seats. Instead, I’m opting for the Chevrolet Bolt, with its range-extender trickery, neat styling and four individual seats. This thing is cool without being geeky and clever without being showy.
Anything goes: Matra-Simca Rancho
The final slot, where you’re given free rein to choose anything you like within the £10k budget. In footballing terms, the Matra-Simca Rancho – or Talbot-Matra Rancho – was the first name down on my team sheet, but it doesn’t really fit into any of the other nine categories.
Which makes it an automatic choice for the ‘anything goes’ category, assuming ‘anything goes’ doesn’t mean venturing too far off the beaten track. The French response to the original Range Rover was delightfully offbeat, ticking the fashionable box but choosing to ignore the 4×4 bit.
A long-time hero of PETROLBLOG, the Rancho first appeared on these pages in March 2010, when the website was still wearing nappies. Eight years on, it finds a place in The Barn. The question is: will my selections be the same in seven years time? The way my mind works, it’ll be different if you asked me again in seven minutes.
If you’ve got a few minutes to spare or are struggling to sleep, why not submit your own entries for The Barn? Use the same categories as above, stick to the £10k budget, and fill your boots. Or rather, fill your barn.
Over to you.
3 Comments
Good to see the site back up & running. Really like this idea and it got me thinking, so here goes with my list:
Hot Hatch: Mini Cooper S (R53). A bit biased as I own one, but such a characterful fun car and surely that’s what hot batches are all about.
Family Wagon: How about a Mk1 Sierra Ghia 4×4 estate. Loads of room, loads of toys. Lots of rust too probably…
4×4: I’d have chosen a Niva here too, am I allowed the same? Perhaps a Niva pickup just to be (slightly) different then.
4 Door Saloon: Audi 80 B2. It’s got four doors and is a saloon. No nonsense minimalist interior and great build quality. Fills the brief here I feel.
Luxury: Did consider various Mercedes for this, but eventually settled on the Jag X308 (in dark blue please, with light colour leather interior). Bit of an obvious choice maybe, but I love an old Jag.
Coupe: FIAT Coupe. Or a Corrado. No definitely the Fiat.
Convertible: Audi A4 Cabrio (pre-facelift). Not sure if the budget stretches to a S4, but if not I’d be happy with even the base 1.8T.
Sports car: Will the budget still stretch to an Alfa Spider series 4 (the early ‘90s one)? It might just…
Eco: Easy, a Renault Twizy. Drove one recently and it was a hoot.
Anything Goes: Citroen C15 van. Not sure why, but I’ve a hankering for one of these at the moment… Plus it’ll be handy when picking up parts won off e-bay to keep the above lot going.
I’ve been allowed to use the internet for ten minutes.
HOT HATCH: Fiesta. Ex Rental Fleet, with aircon, no cow, fully serviced. Nothing is faster if chased.
FAMILY WAGON: ’93 VOLVO 850 GLT ESTATE. Because it comes with a pre-amp, Kids, we’re on the motorway now so this is Beethoven.
4×4: DISCOVERY 300tdi. With full main dealer service history. Early shape. See the driver’s expression? Contentment.
4-DOOR SALOON: SKODA SUPERB. Direct from my local constabulary. Peel off those stickers and cruise.
LUXURY: 1968 ROLLS ROYCE SILVER SHADOW. To drive around in at night. Say hello to my li’l friend.
COUPE: FIAT. As above.
SPORTS CAR: A Kia Sorrento going sideways at 70mph is more fun than any recent ‘sports’ car. Test your wits against that, Matey.
ECO: RENAULT TWIZY. As above.
ANYTHING GOES: 2012 CITROEN C6. I want to drive a black one round the Grand Synth until those lovely police guys on the motorbikes stop me.
I’m a bit late to this party, but I’ll give it a whirl. Actually, on the basis of cost – i.e., the amount I actually wrote on the check….er, sorry, “cheque” – when I bought them, all of my current cars fit the financial criteria of The Barn. All of them cost/currently sell for less than $10,000. So even taking into account the vagaries of international currency exchange, my entries will handily fit the financial criteria. Is the dollar “strong” right now? Or is it our hosts’ Sterling? (The Queen’s currency – not the re-badged Rover sedan sold, ultimately unsuccessfully, in the United States in the 1980s.)
HOT HATCH: Acura Integra LS / RSX. Despite the RSX being the Gen4 evolution of the Integra, they’re really almost two different cars. The Integra belies its small economy car platform with an unusually comfortable ride and would gladly cruise all day at 100 mph (I call it the secret ‘Bahn-burner), if we had any highways in the U.S. where you could do that without risking making a hefty contribution to a local municipality’s coffers. Where the Integra LS’s acceleration would best be called leisurely, Acura gave enthusiasts more punch in the RSX, plus much more precise, vigorous handling. The price is a bone-rattling suspension. But the RSX retains the Integra’s cavernous, Tardis like interior. Just recently, I watched the look of dismay on a home improvement store employee as I pulled up in my RSX for him to load a large, cumbersomely boxed lawn mower in the rear. I could almost see him mouthing, “Oh no, it won’t fit!” Only it did – with space to spare – and I could even close the hatch, so as not to mess up the aesthetics of my zippy Hot Hatch on the way home.
4-DOOR SALOON – see I’m talkin’ British here! Yeah, we call them “sedans” here in the U.S., a name that makes no more sense than the British term (though truth to tell, the British name does involuntarily make one hope for a chance at quenching one’s thirst for adult libations). My choice: the Acura TSX. Almost as large as the TL but a heckuva lot easier on the check…cheque book. Handling is snappier in the TSX and the interior is pretty much the same, without the annoying mish-mash of touch screens competing with real-life physical buttons that mars the current-day TLX. Being smaller, the TSX is somewhat lighter, too, so the standard 4 is surprisingly enthusiastic as you make your way up an Interstate on-ramp. (There are rare examples of TSXs fitted with the TL’s V6 – thus totally eliminating the last reason for the TL’s existence….)
CONVERTIBLE: No, wait, isn’t this a “drop-head”? I thought we were talkin’ British here. What are you guys doing to me? Anyway, my choice is simple: Jaguar XK8. Here’s a simple explanation of Life, The Universe and Everything: There are two kinds of people – those who drive a Jaguar. And those who *want* to drive a Jaguar. The XK8 quickly became part of my family. After all, in the first two years of owning it, I spent as much on it as many folks here in ‘Merica spend on their first year or two of college (depending on where you go: state school vs. private vs. cheap credits at the local community college, etc.) Never mind! When it IS running, the XK8 is a glorious slice of the Great British Motoring Tradition – and sure feels like it too. The ONLY car whose cruise control I never use on the Interstate because…..it’s far too much fun to drive. A truly wondrous example of Anglo-American cooperation (remember, the XK8 was the first new Jag after Ford bought the company). RUNNER UP: I no longer own this one, having allowed my brother to sell it for me in a moment of misguided fiscal parsimony – the Triumph TR8. Yeah, you can still find one of those for under £10,000 in the equivalent U.S. moolah. Put that ridiculously easy-to-operate top down of a warm Summer evening (you could do it one-handed, from inside the car, while waiting at a red light!), let the warm, sexy throaty rumble of the exhaust sing to your primitive reptile brain, and hit the Fun Pedal as soon as that light turns green. Good times.
There you have it: that’s what’s in my Barn right now.