Surreal: Paris Motor Show 2012

It's before 6am in Paris and I'm sat here with a fine coffee by my side and the sound of one of the world's most famous cities waking up around me. By sheer coincidence, I've ended up in one of best hotels in Paris's Left Bank, but more than that, I got to spend the night in a suite designed by David Lynch. Things never turn out quite how you expect them, but I've got used to the sense of surrealism since leaving home on Tuesday. As dawn breaks on my final day here in this wonderful city, I know it's going to be hard to leave.

Paris 2012 has been a landmark motor show for me as it's the first time I've been to a show as part of a team. Whereas I normally roam freely around the shows and post some waffle for PetrolBlog, this year I was asked to join the Motoring Research team and support the work they do for MSN Cars. My role has been small, especially in comparison with the effort that the full time guys have put in, but the experience has been invaluable. Real deadlines and promises that must be kept - grown up motoring writing. I'll say a huge thanks to the team at Motoring Research now, primarily for the opportunity, but also for putting up with me over the past 48 hours.

The show has gone really well for us, yet it feels like everything and everybody around us has been determined to chuck spanners in the works at every given opportunity.

Take my hotel in Harpenden for example. We planned to leave at 6.30am to catch the 9.25am ferry to Calais. But I was locked in the hotel and didn't escape until an hour later. But no matter, we simply took the next ferry and enjoyed a leisurely crossing, followed by a relaxed, if a little boring drive down to Paris. Still, it did give me the opportunity to test a Range Rover Evoque on public roads. More on this in a future blog.

We arrived in Paris and made our way across the vast city in search of our hotel, which is where problem number two arose. Apparently we had chosen to cancel our three rooms and because the hotel was fully booked, there was no room at the inn. Of course, we hadn't cancelled, why would we? But the fact remained, we were left with nowhere to stay in a city hosting one of the world's biggest motor shows. If I my experience in Geneva is anything to go by, we'd probably end up in a hotel in Marseille.

So with few options, we simply grabbed a mug of coffee from the hotel and sat in the Evoque, in the pouring rain, contemplating our next move. With no options open to us, we headed across town to meet up with the rest of the crew.

Fortunately, much to our surprise, Krystyna Kozlowska of the BMW press office somehow managed to find us three rooms at a Holiday Inn across town. An amazing gesture that went well beyond the call of duty. But these rooms weren't confirmed until gone 10pm, by which point we were seriously considering taking a 3-Series Touring and spending the night in there.

Safe in the knowledge that we had a room for night, we celebrated in the best possible fashion by eating burgers in a ‘70s disco bar within shouting distance of the Arc de Triomphe. The sound of disco music in the background, a huge backlit photo of the Jackson 5 in front of us and the realisation that we were passively smoking a dozen cigarettes meant that we found the whole thing slightly surreal. If Huggy Bear had walked in, I wouldn't have bat an eyelid.

The route to the hotel just happened to include the infamous Arc de Triomphe roundabout. If you're not aware of its reputation, just search for it on Google and you'll see that, amongst other things, the search engine thoughtfully predicts you're looking for help on insurance, rules, lanes, crashes or accidents. It's a wonder I wasn't offered a ‘click here for express insurance’ option!

Let me tell you here and now, the Arc de Triomphe deserves its reputation. It's a veritable maelstrom of chaos. A cauldron of frenzied and manic driving that can consist of up to eight lanes of traffic. Your heart sinks when the sat nav lady tells you to take the seventh exit on the roundabout. Mopeds hurtle towards you from all directions. Taxis circumnavigate the Arc under their own rules, before exiting without any warning or care as to what might be to the left or right of them. In short, it's a free for all and is probably partly why the majority of cars in Paris come with at least one body dent or scrape as standard. It's the same on just about every roundabout we've experienced.

And yet, despite the chaos, it seems to work. By virtue of the fact that nobody seems to have any sense of who has right of way, the traffic flows beautifully. In London, the Arc de Triomphe would have a set of traffic lights for every entry and exit point and the area would be gridlocked. Constantly.

Driving in Paris is a surreal, often terrifying experience. You need ears and eyes everywhere. Mopeds drive on pavements, often without lights. Drivers will line up three abreast for a right hand turn that can only take the width of one car. Red traffic lights appear to be used for decorative purposes only. And the horn is the most widely used accessory. If you get the chance to experience the roads of Paris, do it. Preferably as a back seat passenger. Those of a nervous disposition may wish to stay at home and read a book though.

After a good but short sleep in the hotel, we arrived at the motor show at 6am and promptly went about our respective duties. all the while knowing that we didn't have anywhere to sleep that night.

Step forward Matt Bendall of the Kia press office. The lastest kind person to help us out in our hour of need. Having a couple of rooms spare, Matt offered us the chance to stay at the aforementioned Hotel Lutetia. But if that wasn't enough, we'd be staying in the David Lynch suite, which was designed by the man himself. As hotel rooms go, it's probably the least PetrolBlog I've ever stayed in, but the surreal paintings that surround every room seem to fit neatly into the 48 hours of weirdness that have gone before us.

It's not over yet, as post breakfast we'll spend the morning at the show before heading back through France via the famous old Reims-Gueux racing circuit. The way this week is going, I wouldn't be surprised if there's a race on.

Look out for a report from the show coming soon.

Salut!

Thanks again to Peter, Richard, CJ and Sean of Motoring Research and Krystyna and Matt of BMW and Kia respectively.