Newsish: If Petrolblog ever sold its Fleet of Terribleness

Note: This tongue-in-cheek post was inspired by the recent press release from Iconic Auctioneers announcing the sale of vehicles from Harry Metcalfe’s personal collection at the NEC Classic Motor Show in November 2025. Harry’s cars are immaculate, documented and desirable; the Petrolblog fleet, by contrast, is mostly none of those things. Consider this the alternative catalogue for enthusiasts of tat, rust and bargain-basement motoring.

News that Harry Metcalfe is selling a handful of his famous cars and bikes set Petrolblog thinking: what if – heaven forbid – the time came to thin out the Fleet of Terribleness?

Imagine it: a glossy press release, reverently written, full of provenance and polish. The only snag being that most of Petrolblog’s vehicles are worth less than the paper such a release would be printed on. In contrast, Harry's Espada is expected to fetch up to £110,000.

So, purely as a thought experiment (and to reassure readers: no, nothing is actually being sold), here’s how a Petrolblog auction catalogue might read if it borrowed the style and solemnity of the great and the good.

1995 Fiat Coupé 16v

Lot 1: The poor relation
The least desirable version of Fiat’s pretty coupé, powered by an engine that does its best but dreams nightly of turbochargers or just one more cylinder. No second gear, no working radio, and a large dent that catches the light perfectly. Recently treated to welding costing more than the car’s market value – proof of either dedication or denial. Signed on the dashboard by Chris Bangle, possibly in apology.

Summary: A car for the connoisseur who values patina over progress.

Estimate: Zero to “make me an offer”
 

2000 Peugeot 406 Coupé V6

Lot 2: The £300 continental cruiser
Bought as a spares car and immediately promoted to full fleet member. Has toured the Netherlands and returned largely intact. The bonnet is an abstract study in lacquer peel and surface rust, yet the Pininfarina curves remain heartbreakingly elegant. Heated seats are divine. Stereo permanently tuned to Greatest Hits Radio.

Summary: Proof that even a £300 Peugeot can make you feel like a Riviera regular.

Estimate: £300-£350, depending on whether the buyer notices the bonnet. Open to offers from anyone with a fondness for lacquer peel and Pininfarina curves.
 

1999 Citroën Xsara Coupé VTS

Lot 3: The sun-faded coupé that thinks it's a hot hatch
Colour: somewhere between baby-poo and Claudia-Schiffer-yellow. Roof: enthusiastic lacquer peel. Gear knob: disintegrated. Fresh from a wallet-melting head-gasket job that cost roughly the GDP of a small island nation, it’s now ready to deliver a thrilling driving experience, or something.

Summary: A yellow streak of chaos and charisma.

Estimate: £50 to £5,000, depending on how yellow you're feeling.

1997 Toyota Camry V6

Lot 4: The beige missile
A Werther’s Original with a Red Bull filling. Goes quickly in straight lines, avoids corners like social situations. No MOT, but this is a Camry, so it’s probably fine. Beige leather interior. Because of course it has.

Summary: Comfort, class and not a hint of cornering ability.

Estimate: “How much to go south of the river, mate?”
 

1998 Renault Safrane 2.5

Lot 5: The French Volvo
Features the glorious five-cylinder soundtrack and an onboard Frenchman who announces every warning in an exasperated tone. Smooth, rare and gloriously misunderstood, the Safrane offers a masterclass in comfort and confusion.

Summary: The only car that argues with you in two languages.

Estimate: Please bid in francs or baguettes.
 

1994 Citroën ZX 16v

Lot 6: The invisible hero
The forgotten hot hatch of the 1990s. Once red, now pink-with-white-accents. Off the road since 2018 and won't start due to a fuelling issue, not solved by the fitment of a Chinese-made fuel pump.

Summary: A hot hatch that refuses to be noticed.

Estimate: A pint, a packet of Scampi Fries, and a Gauloises for the road.

1968 Volvo 144 “Nöddy”

Lot 7: The Swedish surprise
Stored for over 30 years in an Exmouth garage before being awoken like a Swedish Cinderella. Everything smells faintly of boiled vinyl and history. Now mobile, which places it in the upper quartile of the Petrolblog reliability index.

Summary: Built to outlast every car here – and probably will (although the Camry would like a word).

Estimate: Offers in cinnamon buns or IKEA vouchers.
 

1989 Citroën AX GT

Lot 8: Some assembly required
In pieces. Like its owner’s hopes of ever finishing it. Light, revvy, and almost mythical – assuming it can be reassembled before the heat death of the universe. James May called it the best car in the world; a packet of Bryant & May might be best at this stage.

Summary: Perfect for anyone who enjoys puzzles, pain and plastic trim.

Estimate: By the box or by the kilo.
 

1993 Volkswagen Corrado VR6

Lot 9: The sensible investment
The one that got lucky. Lives a quiet, damp-free existence in the care of the author’s mum. Starts occasionally. Looks magnificent. Makes a sound worth its weight in Shell V-Power, and the spoiler goes up and down.

Summary: Still the best decision ever stored in a garage.

Estimate: £Ask Mum.

Statement from the Editor

“Unlike Harry’s Espada or concours-winning Jaguar, none of these cars have ever been on display at the NEC – unless you count the car park. But they each tell a story: of misplaced faith, heroic repair bills and a lifelong belief that character matters more than condition. Bidding will open as soon as we can find the keys, the charger, and the will to part with them.”

In summary

Harry Metcalfe may be selling a fleet of greatness. Petrolblog, on the other hand, celebrates the Fleet of Terribleness – a proud, flaky, occasionally mobile testament to the joy of loving cars that nobody else wants.

And just to be clear: no actual auction is taking place. But if it ever does, bring your own jump leads – and bag of misplaced optimism.

Click here to take a look at Harry's lots and the other cars available at the NEC Classic Motor Show.