Is it a classic? Mini Clubvan

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In February 2013, I found myself in France on the launch of the Mini Clubvan. A small group of respected motoring journalists (and me) were invited to test drive the commercial variant of the Clubman.

Unlike traditional car launches – in which you’re flown to a sunny destination and directed to some of Europe’s smoothest roads (and five-star eateries and hotels) – we rendezvoused in London at 8am for a trip through the Channel Tunnel. Driving in pairs, we were given 100 euros and told to buy something creative to put in the back of the Clubvan to test its 500kg payload. I was paired with Keith Adams of AROnline fame.

Naturally, the conversation centred on old and obscure cars, and we soon forgot about the payload challenge and the time we were expected to be at the hotel for the evening meal. Having arrived in France at 1pm CET, we spent almost the entire afternoon stopping in rural villages to photograph French tat and gawp at the kind of cars you no longer see in the UK. I stuck the ‘best’ ones on Petrolblog, and although the photos haven’t aged well (much like the blog, really), they provide a flavour of the trip. A Peugeot 505 with yellow-tinted headlights and fog lights, Renault Chamade, Citroën Visa, Fiat Uno and Ford Orion 1.6D Ghia, to name but a few. There was even a Concerto TD – essentially a Rover 218 with Honda badges. The Power of Deception, or something. I rated (note the use of past tense) my car launches, not on the quality of the food, wine or accommodation, but on the calibre of the old cars seen on the test drive. This was one of my favourite launches, but it speaks volumes that I’m no longer part of the new car launch elite. I will point out that I never complained about the ‘undrinkable’ white wine on a pre-launch flight…

The Clubvan debuted in 2013 during BMW’s ‘monkey tennis’ period. What’s the German translation for ‘How far can we stretch the Mini (officially MINI) brand before something gives?’ Remember the Paceman, Coupé and Roadster? It would be easy to dismiss the Clubvan as little more than an expensive and extravagant alternative to small vans like the Ford Fiesta Van and Vauxhall Corsavan. At £17,055 – or £23,500 when adjusted for inflation – it wasn’t cheap, and that’s before you climb the spec ladder and dive into the personalisation catalogue. Instead of a rear bench, you got an 860-litre load area and a partition to protect the driver and passenger from low-flying artisan apple muffins, posh posies, high-class humous or whatever you might be carrying in your oh-so-desirable brand extension. The Clubman’s side-hinged back doors remained, as did the controversial ‘Clubdoor’ on the driver’s side, which meant that you’d have to take your chances with the traffic when loading your precious saffron cupcakes. The polycarbonate and foil side window covers provided a blank canvas for signwriters and pedestrians who couldn’t resist writing ‘CLEAN ME’ on the car. Other options included ‘ALSO AVAILABLE IN WHITE’, ‘NO GOURMET PASTIES LEFT IN VAN OVERNIGHT’ and ‘YOU WISH YOUR WIFE WA…’; okay, moving on.

Predictably, most buyers opted for the Cooper D, rather than the Cooper and One (both petrol), to enjoy the fuel economy and tax breaks. Today, I’d hunt down a Clubvan Cooper for a stripped-out, superleggera take on the Clubman recipe. It’s just 15kg lighter than the Clubman, but I’d love to put it on a strict diet before adding a pair of racing seats, harnesses and roll cage. Imagine it with a retro race livery?

We failed miserably in our Clubvan challenge, only remembering that we needed to fill the load area when the sun was preparing to set over Amiens. Panicking, we popped into a Cash Converters, spent 99 euros on a Casio keyboard and made up some story about the Clubvan being the ideal transport for a would-be Jean-Michel Jarre on a tour of French music venues. A sort of artisan J-MJ with a boutique synthesiser and a petit selection of fireworks. No, the Mini PR guy wasn’t impressed either. To make matters worse, we spent so long drooling over old cars, we didn’t arrive at the hotel until the well-behaved journos had enjoyed an afternoon beverage, taken a shower and we’re walking to a nearby restaurant for an evening meal. You could say we were late for our Rendez-Vous.

It’ll be a while before the Clubvan secures classic status, but as one of the rarest versions of the modern Mini, its time will come. In the meantime, it’s the perfect small van for the UK’s upmarket butchers, bakers and candlestick makers. Prices start from around £5000.

This article first appeared in issue 20 of Classic.Retro.Modern. magazine.