OK, so if you're reading this, there's a good chance you're interested in cars. If you're not, then the following list will have absolutely no meaning to you. None whatsoever. Not a bit.
I consider myself a petrolhead. I'm not particularly good at the mechanics. I'm probably not that good at drifting. I probably wouldn't be the quickest around Castle Combe in a Series 1 Elise. But I do love cars. 100 percent love 'em.
Many people are the same. You see them stood in the audience at the Top Gear studio. You see them at car shows. You see their posts on car forums. You read their insights in evo and Octane.
But what if you're an obsessive petrolhead? How can you tell? Here are ten tell-tale signs:
- You will circle a multi-storey car park looking for a space that sits between two pillars or is against a side wall - no matter how empty the car park is.
- You look back at your car lustfully under the forecourt lights as you walk across the petrol station forecourt to pay for your 50 litres of V-Power.
- On more than one occasion you've been told “You can do mine when you've finished” when washing your car.
- You will actively stop, turnaround or leave the road if you see a gritter lorry approaching from the other direction.
- You put pieces of carpet along the inside of the garage wall to protect your door edges.
- You've ever used a toothbrush to clean your alloy wheels.
- You've bought new carpet mats to protect the original dealer-supplied carpet mats.
- You pay more attention to the cars in movies, rather than the plot.
- You'd rush home to watch the original Channel 4 series of Deals on Wheels.
- You try and park your beloved chariot outside the restaurant / hotel / office window to ensure you can keep glancing at it.
Of course, there may be more signs. And I'd be glad to hear of them.
I'd like to point out that the top ten points bear no resemblance to myself. Purely guesswork. Nothing more. OK?