PetrolBlog Eye-Spy: chapter 2

We have literally been inundated with three requests to roll out a second chapter of PetrolBlog Eye-Spy. In fact, our postbag has been fit to bursting with letters from families up and down the land saying how much they enjoyed playing the game during the first week of the school holidays.

We were especially touched by a letter we received from a Mrs Wendy Boat-Comein of Pontefract, who told us her six-hour trip to the coast felt like seven hours, thanks to PetrolBlog Eye-Spy. Oh, hang on...

And it was lovely to receive a letter from the authorities threatening legal action over the increase in the number of missing persons reported over the past seven days. Apparently some folk went off in search of the last Sao Penza, desperate to get their hands on the elusive 500 points on offer for anyone seeing one.

Spurred on by these letters of encouragement, we're moving on to PetrolBlog Eye-Spy: chapter 2. Keep 'em peeled and please, if you do intend to roam the streets at night, remember to take a torch, a packet of Opal Fruits and some spare change for the telephone box. Oh, and remember what you learnt at the Tufty Club.

Someone smiling behind the wheel of a Citroën Xsara Picasso: 50 points

PetrolBlog believes you can tell an awful lot about a car by the facial expression of the person behind the wheel. For example, have you ever seen someone driving a Morgan and looking anything other than exhilarated and delighted?

The opposite is true of the Citroën Xsara Picasso. So life-draining and mind-numbingly dull is the driving experience, it takes a huge amount of effort not to slip into a coma. Not even a Pharell Williams tune would put a smile on the face of a Xsara Picasso driver. Score yourself 50 points if you see one.

A Volkswagen Passat W8: 250 points

This falls neatly into the scoring category premiered by the Citroën C6 last week. The Volkswagen Passat W8 could lay claim to being the ultimate Q-car. And of course, we all want one.

But are we brave enough to take the plunge and buy one? Of course not. Which is why you should nod appreciatively at anyone who owns or drives one. Score 250 points for either the saloon or estate, but bag yourself an extra 250 points if the owner has de-badged his W8. That would be simply off the scale.

A Bentley 300C: 25 points

We're huge fans of the Chrysler 300C here at PetrolBlog. After all, we did spend an entire night in one, racing a sleeper train to Penzance.

But slapping Bentley badges on a 300C is not cool. Not cool at all. There's just no excuse for it. However, if you see one, give yourself 25 points. If you manage to see one without laughing, score an extra 25 points. Go the extra mile and convince the person you're with that it's a legitimate Bentley, earn yourself another 100 points.

A Renault Megane Scenic without any hideous window stickers: 100 points

What is it about the Renault Megane Scenic that encourages owners to slap a multitude of horrendous stickers on to the rear window? We guess it gives you something to look at whilst you're stood on the hard shoulder, waiting for the very nice AA man to tow you to the nearest garage.

Regular favourites include the local radio sticker, which essentially suggests you enjoy listening to egotistical DJs, weather reports sponsored by Storm Force Ben Nevis double glazing and traffic reports sponsored by your local Vauxhall dealer.

Not having suicidal thoughts upon seeing a Chrysler PT Cruiser Cabrio: 1,000 points

A bit of a double-edged sword this one. We're offering 1,000 points (Brucie-style "Woooooo") but the challenge is a tough one.

See one of these and don't feel like walking off the edge of your nearest pier, then the full thousand is yours. Fail the challenge, well then your Eye-Spy days are over...

Somebody looking cool behind the wheel of a Fiat 500L: 500 points

We've been pondering this for a while now, but we reckon it's impossible to look cool in a Fiat 500L. Look at the chap above. We're pretty sure he's a decent guy, loved by his friends, exceedingly generous down at the Dog and Duck, worshipped by his children and perhaps known to be an adrenalin junkie at weekends. But behind the wheel of a Fiat 500L, something happens.

Suddenly he looks faintly ridiculous. The Fiat 500L seems to have the power to turn even the most macho of men into weak sauce and the most attractive woman into Ann Widdecombe. Even Vin Diesel and Cameron Diaz would struggle in a 500L.

An ultra-rare BMW M320d: 50 points

Ah, the BMW M320d - so rare, so exotic, so majestic, so not cool.

We're still unsure why anyone would want to make their BMW look like something it isn't, but up and down the land we see evidence that the Badgers have been at work. Which is why we're only offering 50 points for this one.

A Dacia Sandero Access: 100 points

The base-spec Dacia Sandero Access. So loved by motoring journalists for its no-nonsense, back-to-basics, anti-establishment credentials.

The buying public see things differently, which is why the £5,995 Access is the rarest Sandero you'll find in Britain. Spotting one should be easy. If the white paint and steel wheels don't give it away, look for a driver sweating profusely through the absence of air conditioning, or singing in the absence of a radio.

An unmodified Citroën Saxo VTS: 100 points

The Citroën Saxo VTS is a future classic. It's just that the market hasn't woken up to this fact yet.

See an unmodified version, score yourself 100 points. Then do everything in your power to convince the buyer to sell it to you. At which point, we'll award you a further 100 points.

A Honda Jazz not doing a steady 43mph on your favourite B-road: 50 points

The Honda Jazz - guaranteed to ruin a good blast along your favourite B-road.

However, if you do see one that isn't doing a steady 43mph, regardless of the speed limit, earn yourself 50 points. If it's not straddling the centre white line, give yourself another 50 points. If its right-hand indicator isn't permanently flashing, take another 50.

If you missed the first edition of PetrolBlog Eye-Spy, you can play catch-up here.