It's finally happened: I really fancy a Lexus

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After 45 years of being a Lexus denier, I really fancy owning a Lexus IS, ideally in F Sport trim, thank you. A life of Radio 4 and garden centres awaits.

Forty-five. I always wondered how old I’d be when a fondness for Lexus set in, and now I know. It’s 45.

I’m not saying I didn’t appreciate Lexus before this year. On the contrary, I’m a big admirer of all things Lexus. Love the show, Steve, etc. It’s just that I couldn’t see myself buying a Lexus.

I didn’t grow up longing to own a Lexus, primarily because the company didn’t exist. As Eiji Toyoda launched the Circle F project in 1983, I was still pushing Matchbox Superkings along my living room floor, while coming to terms with the thoughts I was having about Daisy Duke’s denim shorts.

Seven years later, my attention turned from Daisy’s denim to Chris Goffey’s beige slacks, as the country got its first glimpse of the Lexus LS 400 on Top Gear. I’ve no doubt my Dad would have muttered something along the lines of preferring a Saab, and I didn’t give Lexus a second thought. Until this year.

Werther's and WKD

Lexus IS on the road

It’s like Chris Tidy-beard’s review planted a seed in my head. A small kernel of a thought that would lie dormant for 30 years. One day I’m a Lexus denier, then I wake up fancying the denim shorts off the ‘Japanese Mercedes’.

It must be love. Why else would I accept the cookie policy on the Lexus website without changing the settings? That’s like swiping right on a dating profile or inviting a date to meet your parents.

I fancy a Lexus IS. I could see myself spending the rest of my days with the saloon. An F Sport, maybe. Something a little racy. A splash of Tabasco sauce on a Werther’s Original. A WKD after a cultured evening at the opera.

I’ve spent too much time using the 360-degree function on the Cazoo website. An IS 300 F Sport for £21k looks the part. In white, for the authentic internet bride experience.

Turning Japanese

Lexus IS300h clock

I’m appreciating the tight panel gaps. The stylish analogue clock. The dashboard that looks like it has been inspired by a Denon hi-fi system from the 1990s. I’ve got no interest in a 3 Series, A4 or C-Class. The IS is the one.

Some people buy a Porsche when they have a midlife crisis. Others run off with the receptionist. I’m turning Japanese. It’s good to get things out in the open.

I’m looking forward to buying comfortable clothes from a mail order company which advertises in the back of a Sunday supplement. Enjoying river cruises on the Rhine. Completing Which? satisfaction surveys.

In the meantime, I must dash. Gardeners’ Question Time starts in a few minutes.

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