Eterniti Hemera: So who asked for a 'Super-SUV'?

Come on, own up. Who asked for a 'Super-SUV'?

Who in their right mind woke up one morning and decided that what the world needs most right now is a 'Super-SUV'?

Well whoever you are, please proceed to the corner of the room, bow your head in shame and promise never to open your mouth again. Because, my friend, the result is the Eterniti Hemera.

Regardless of the fact that the name sounds like a condition that affects the unmentionable parts of the human body*, I quite frankly find the Hemera the most distasteful and unwelcome car to be launched in recent years. To my eyes at least, I think even Premier League footballers will struggle to give up their Bentleys and Porsches for this abomination. To make matters worse, the Hemera is going to be "hand-built in London", so we can't even blame 'Johnny Foreigner' for this horror story.

Remember the days when Britain graced the world with sophisticated, elegant and graceful luxury cars? Well take a long hard look at them, as the Eterniti Hemera takes all of that, squeezes it all into a little ball and kicks it into the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.

Yes, yes, the press release will tell you that the Hemera offers '4x4 ruggedness', 620bhp and a top speed of 180mph, but just how useful is this in the real world? It'll lack the genuine ruggedness of a Defender, the sophistication and heritage of a Range Rover and will undoubtedly single you out as a bit of a wally. Price? If you have to ask, etc, etc...

If I had my way, it'd be called the Eterniti Vulgar. Actually scrub that. If I had my way, it wouldn't exist at all. Does the world really need another oversized, over-styled and over-the-top SUV? Give me a Talbot Matra Rancho any day of the week.

OK, rant over. But I'll leave you with this thought. Is it me, or does it look like someone has simply added some Seat Leon Cupra R to the Porsche Cayenne underpinnings?

If you're interested, you can view the Hemera at the Frankfurt Motor Show on the 13th September. Alternatively you're all welcome at my house to watch my newly painted living room wall dry. Just bring the Hobnobs.

*Hemera is in actual fact the Greek goddess of daylight. I'm looking forward to seeing the dazzling LEDs on this thing then.