Enjoying England's Football Roads

Major Waffle
The road to Wembley. The roads are blissfully quiet when an England football match is live on television, so get out there and enjoy them.

So here we are on the eve of one of the world's greatest events. An event that only graces our calendar every four years and as such needs to be cherished, with every second harnessed for the greater good.

The clues are out there if you look. The endless hype on the television and radio. The countless tenuous sponsorship deals. The level of expectation that grows and grows before an inevitable brave failure by the narrowest of margins. All this can only mean one thing. Yep, it is time once again to enjoy England's Football Roads. As a petrolhead, this is your chance to enjoy driving nirvana. Just make sure you put these three dates in your diary - the 12th, 18th and 23rd June 2010. These are the dates of the England group games. There may of course be more, but that all depends on how Messrs Rooney, Gerrard and Lampard perform. So no guarantees there.

But what I can guarantee is that for 90 minutes, England's roads will transform into veritable ribbons of delight, quietly snaking through the countryside. Every hairpin, every sweeping left hand bend and every glorious straight there for you and only you to enjoy. Savour every gear as the roads open up before for your very eyes.

Check out the evidence. You'll have undoubtedly seen the number of cars currently adorned with those cheap and tacky tabloid-giveaway flags. In most cases they flutter away perched on the roof of a base-spec Ford Galaxy, Vauxhall Zafira or mid 90s hatchback. Essentially, the kind of car that could ruin a Sunday morning blast across the Moors or twilight run along the coast. There are thousands of these cars out there and you can 100% guarantee that come kick-off, they will be safely parked up on the driveway whilst their owner watches the 18th pre-match commercial break. The roads will be empty, so get out there and enjoy it. As Gerrard bends a free kick into the box, you can be perfecting your exit out of the bend. As Lampard takes another lofted corner, you can be downshifting for your own favourite corner. And as Rooney clutches his metatarsal, you...oh, that's enough football/car clichés.

[caption id="attachment_458" align="aligncenter" width="468"]Empty Road Another great corner for England[/caption]

There'll also be no queues at the pumps, so you can top up with V-Power before and after your spirited drive. No waiting as the driver of the Kia Rio in front tops up their weekly shop with baguettes and orange squash. The conditions will mirror those you find at 5am on a Sunday when you wake your trusted steed from slumber to enjoy roads that you share only with the rabbits and the hedgehogs.

Oh sure, the roads can be quiet on Christmas Day, but the number of daylight hours is seriously reduced and the roads will invariably covered in ice or salt. At best, there will be mildly moist patches lurking around each corner. Football Roads are streets ahead (excuse the pun). There'll be no Toyota Yaris Verso sticking religiously to a speed of 27 mph as it straddles the centre white line. There'll be no Hyundai Sonata shamefully hugging the outside lane of the bypass. There'll be no Toyota Yaris pulling in front of you at a junction at the precise moment the 'national speed limit' applies signs welcome you on to the twisties. It will just be you and the enlightened few on the road. Heaven.

So cheer on the lads. Remember, every win means another 90 minutes on Football Roads. The best thing of all, the further England get, the quieter the roads will be. Heaven knows what they'll be like should England reach the final. Personally, I'm not so sure we're about to find out. But should a miracle happen, the date you'll need to remember is the 11th July. The time, 7.30 pm. I'll see you on the road.

Thanks to freefoto.com for image.