It would be an understatement of epic proportions to say that this year has been a bit miserable. But has anyone stopped to ask how Chris Goffey's dog is coping with 2020?
I ask because I've discovered that Chris Goffey has a Twitter account. At least, I think he has. The account was created in January 2020. There's no profile picture. No header image. And the bio is short and to the point: ‘Supergrass Dad’; a reference to his son Danny, formerly of the parish of Supergrass and Babyshambles.
There's a good chance that Chris Goffey isn't behind the Twitter account. It might be a fan of the former Top Gear presenter who is second behind Noel Edmonds on the list of tidy beards. Maybe somebody started the new year with enthusiasm and an ambition to make Goffey the king of Twitter.
Carlton and ‘The Goff’
For the purposes of this blog, let's assume it's the real deal. Goodness knows we need some light relief in these troubled times™. If it is ‘The Goff’, it will be the best thing to happen to Twitter since Vanessa Carlton declared a love of velour.
She'd walk a thousand miles for a car swathed in the material. Just don't get her started on ‘some hard plastics’.
Back to Goffey. I make no apology for using ‘The Goff’ nickname. Many former Top Gear presenters have nicknames of their own: Tiff, Hamster, VBH, Captain Slow and Jezza, to name five I can actually remember. Then there's Quentin ‘Two Ls in Willson’ and ‘the man in the pink shirt who could have been James May’.
In Petrolblog circles, Chris Goffey could be classed as ‘God’. He's le grande fromage of former Top Gear presenters. The man with the knowledge. The chap you'd turn to for advice when buying a European compact saloon or luxury car from the Far East.
He also has an incredibly tidy beard. There has been one tweet. Back in January, before 2020 rolled out its carpet of grimness and despair, Chris Goffey told the world that his “dog feels a bit sad!” We're not told why Goffey's dog is feeling forlorn. Maybe he could foresee the year ahead. Perhaps he had just banged his head on a boot catch.
Tank tops and alpacas
The tweet generated zero responses, retweets or likes. Maybe that's why Chris Goffey had second thoughts about Twitter and returned to putting the UK alpaca community on the map.
Lord Goffey deserves better. His Twitter feed could be a force for good. A chance for him to take us through his wardrobe of tank tops, brown suits and leisure jackets. An opportunity for him to list the boot catches you're most likely to bang your head on. A Twitter feed that's a breath of fresh air, rather than a load of hot air.
Chris, if it's you behind the account, tell us. If it's somebody else, give us something to follow and enjoy. In the meantime, Petrolblog readers, do your duty by retweeting the tweet about Goffey's dog. We need to make sure he's, ahem... alright.