Citroën SM finally wins Car of the Year award

Citroën General Bunk
The Citroën SM has been named HiKennys Car of the Year 2019, beating the Austin Apache and BMW 5 Series into second and third place.

The Citroën SM has been named HiKennys Car of the Year 2019 at a prestigious* and glittering* event. This comes nearly five decades since the SM was denied the 1971 European Car of the Year award.

Back then, the Citroën SM was beaten into third place by the Citroën GS and Volkswagen K70. This is the only time a manufacturer has had two models in the top three.

‘Friend of the show’ and Top of the Pops aficionado Kenny Smith assembled an all-star* shortlist for this year's HiKennys Car of the Year, known in social media circles as #HiKCoTY.

In order to win, the Citroën SM had to see off the challenge of an Austin Apache, a Mitsubishi Colt Lancer EX 2000 Turbo, a Ford Granada Ghia, Porsche 911 Targa, Lancia Fulvia, Dino 246 GT, Vauxhall Astra GTE, Ford Escort and BMW 518. You're unlikely to see a more appealing car of the year shortlist in 2019.

Having received exclusive* embargoed information, PetrolBlog placed the Citroën SM as a frontrunner. Speaking before the event, Kenny Smith said: “I've been after a suitable SM to use in #HiKCoTY since the beginning – at this show, there were two.

“I picked brown over green, mainly because of the colour, and also because people constantly got in the bloody way when taking a photo of the other. A gold Citroën DS was a strong third last year, so this has to be a frontrunner.”

1975 Austin Apache in the UK

Although the Austin Apache established an early lead, the Anglo-South African was no match for the French-Italian, which romped home with 20 points. The Apache finished with 15, while the BMW 518 secured third, thanks in no small part to support from James ‘Bangernomics’ Ruppert.

A star-studded* group of celebrities gathered in greasy spoon roadside caravan in Merseyside to dish out the awards. For the authentic classic car show experience, Kenny Smith laid on a selection of deckchairs and a group of miserable partners who would ‘rather be anywhere else but here’.

With Bob Carolgees otherwise engaged, a girl who went to school with Katarina Johnson-Thompson and an Elvis Costello impersonator presented the trophy to Citroën via fax.

Somebody who just happened to be ordering an egg sandwich and a Dr Pepper at the time said: “Could you move out of my way, I want to get home to watch War of the Worlds on BBC One.”

The HiKCoTY extravaganza* came on the eve of the announcement of the 2020 European Car of the Year shortlist. Although the Mitsubishi Mirage has been cruelly* overlooked (again), the list includes the Ford Puma, Renault Clio and Toyota Corolla. Forget 2020, it's like the turn of the millennium all over again.

If you don't do so already, put right a wrong by following Kenny Smith on Twitter.

*Exaggerated and fabricated words used to give this blog post more gravitas. Pics courtesy of Kenny Smith.

Read more Citroën waffle: