Bah Humbug! A seasonal message from @FailCar

General Bunk

Never one to shy away from controversy, FailCar has been at it again. I'm reliably informed that his hands were shaking from anger while writing this. My hands have been shaking a lot recently, but I think this has more to do with the cold temperatures. But anyway, back to FailCar and here's a seasonal rant.

I know I can be a miserable whining sod but I really can’t stand this time of year. For some reason it seems to be much more acceptable to be a complete and utter idiot. I wake up, turn on breakfast TV and all they can talk about is bloody snow, a couple of numpties on a sofa whining on about ‘chaos’ ‘disruption’ ‘apocalypse’ and so on. Snow is not news guys, it's the weather, we know it’s snowing let’s move it on to say, oh I dunno, Korea (WWIII) or Wikileaks?

Meanwhile some div with a video camera in the basement of the BBC has been sent out to go and film stupid people in Peugeot 106s with their foot down in first gear, hopelessly wheel spinning outside a school gate. Usually if you were to go around pointing a camera at ‘special’ people it would be looked down upon.

Then I get out onto the road and you get to fully experience the inexplicable stupidity. If someone had smeared turd all over my windows (I do wind a lot of people up...) I would clean it off because I can’t see, I also apply the same rule to snow and ice because I would have to be monumentally thick to not understand how NOT BEING ABLE TO SEE could be an issue.  The windows get covered in salt and they can’t do anything about it because they haven’t used winter screen wash.

I see them there with their necks craned down in the tiny area that has so far been defrosted by the de-misting vents. Or the other sort that scrape a perfect square to see out of so that they can think they are tank commander James Blunt on his way to stop WWIII.

Once I get out onto a main road that has been gritted (avoiding all the plebs with hazard warning lights on because they have stuffed it into the back of someone else in a Citroen C4 Picasso with bald Chinese tyres) I have to deal with the people that haven’t prepared at all.

It’s snowing, it’s dark and they have one, ONE light bulb that works. I lose count of the number of cars I see like this, and they are only surpassed in stupidity by the cretin (invisible) white van drivers who don’t bother to use lights at all.  Then you have the ones that use fog lights no matter what. You do realise you are blinding me for no reason. Grrr.

One of my biggest irritations has to be the tailgaters though. In most cases this appears to be meat heads in exec cars. I am keeping a suitable distance from the car in front, in fact most of the time I’m probably not actually far enough away given the conditions. Yet there you are, two feet off my back bumper.

Chances are Mr executive dick will wrap his Barge round a tree after the office Christmas party anyway, so at least that gives me some consolidation. The drink driving at this time of year is shocking, meaning on the way home not only do we have to deal with the conditions, and the cretins we also have to deal with the drunks swerving all over the road and having the reactions of a sloth.

And just when you think the roads can’t get any worse? We add every Tom, Dick and Harry who decides to go and see relatives for the holiday period.

Did I mention it’s also really cold? Bah Humbug, Merry Bloody Christmas.

When FailCar's hands have stopped shaking, you can follow his tweets at