It’s amazing what you find in the loft when you’re searching for something entirely different. Filed within my stash of Proton brochures (don’t judge me), I found a piece of Renault promotional material from 2002.
I’m not sure why I kept it. Presumably because I foresaw an opportunity to use it nearly two decades later. If nothing else, it’s a good excuse to marvel at the styling of the Mk2 Renault Mégane, which is ageing like a bottle of French wine.
I don’t drink wine, but I couldn’t say “ageing like a bottle of Breizh Cola”.
Anyway, I digress. The little pack invites you to “enjoy every curve in the new Renault Mégane”. This was a time before Renault was banned from showing its ‘shaking that ass’ video when children could be watching TV. There were 139 complaints that some kids were copying the language and wiggling their bums.
Oh to live in a time when such trivial things mattered. Still, at least you know never to invite those 139 people over for dinner.
I digress. Again. There are six postcards in the pack, each one highlighting a feature of the Renault Mégane. These are supported by images of the Mégane shaking its ass on six corners of Britain. Children, if you’re reading this, don’t use the word ‘ass’. I don’t want to trigger the 139 people who complained in 2002.
I’ve experienced least half of those roads and can confirm that a Ford Racing Puma is epic on the A360. A BMW M135i is pretty magical in Milton Keynes. Oh, and a Skoda Yeti is superb on the A466. Yes, really.
In case you were wondering, the key selling points of the 2002 Renault Mégane were: distinctive design, comfort features from a class above, class-leading safety, hands-free entry and start-up, anti-theft protection and 12-year anti-corrosion warranty, and understeer control.
The latter is ideal when your ass is shaking just a little bit too much. As is the five-star Euro NCAP safety rating.
This begs the question: what’s your favourite curve in Britain? Clean answers please. One of mine is junction 31 at the foot of the M5 in Devon. An odd choice, but the bend between the M5 and the A30 westbound is good enough to grace a racetrack. A Honda Accord Type R will corner flat, without easing off.
What makes it especially enjoyable is that it marks the end of the tedious M5 motorway. Travelling from Scotland? It might be the first significant bend you encounter since leaving Perth.
If you’re thinking this might be an odd blog post, welcome, you must be new to PetrolBlog. I see you baby.