Sorry Mercedes-Benz, the PB chickens aren’t happy

This is a letter to Mercedes-Benz, written on behalf of the chickens at PetrolBlog HQ.

Dear Mercedes-Benz,

Thank you. Thank you very much indeed.

So your Magic Body Control system – available on the all-new Mercedes-Benz S-Class – is apparently a clever piece of kit. We understand that it uses a camera to scan the road ahead, pinpointing potholes and adjusting the suspension accordingly. S-Class owners have never had it so good.

Well cock-a-doodle-doo. Strike us down with a feather and call us Henny Penny.

It may be magic to you and your heavily pampered S-Class drivers, but did you and your expensive ad agency really think the ‘Chicken’ advert through? We mean, a properly strategised, blue-sky thinking, heads-up, thinking outside of the box, through-the-line, covering all bases, thought process?

Did you have a two-way conversation, based on a value proposition, led by a genuine thought leader? No, we thought not.

Because if you did, you’d have foreseen the consequences of your hilariously funny, up-there-with-the-best-of-them, wonderfully executed television ad campaign. In short, our lives haven’t been the same since.

Once upon a time, our lives were a simple affair. We’d wake at the crack of dawn, spending the day clucking, scratching and eating, before returning to our hen house, ready to do pretty much the same again the next day.

But now all that has changed. At regular intervals, we now find ourselves being scooped from terraferma by small children, and subjected to a little dance, all to a background noise that – if we’re being kind – sounds faintly like Diana Ross. Because of you and your annoyingly good and well-executed ad campaign, it is now cool to dance with chickens.

Did you have to focus on the Magic Body Control system, which led you into recruiting chickens for the purpose of marketing the S-Class? Note, we haven’t seen the star chickens – Molly, Mandy, Madge, Maddie and Maisie – joining Chicken Little and Foghorn Leghorn on the IMDb website.

Couldn’t you have at least majored on the Front Seat Memory Package, leading to the inevitable choice of an elephant? Or maybe a giraffe, to help promote your Crosswind Assist? Anything but a poxy chicken.

Unless we get a written apology, we’re afraid we’re going to have to take things up with the Advertising Standards Authority. We understand perfectly acceptable ads for the likes of the Toyota GT86, the MINI and the Toyota Prius were banned because a minority objected to them. Yes, we find it madness, too.

But it does mean an army of chickens could stand a chance against the might of the three-pointed star.

We politely request that you pull the ad from transmission so that we can return to a clucking acceptable way of life. Look at the photo – does that look like a happy hen to you?

Seriously, we haven’t been in this much distress since a Nando’s delivery truck took a wrong a turn and ended up at our gate. Come to think of it, that was a Mercedes-Benz Atego. Do you simply have it in for us?

Yours expectantly.

The Chickens.