PetrolBlogPetrolBlogPetrolBlogPetrolBlog
  • Home
  • 70s cars
  • 80s cars
  • 90s cars
  • 00s cars
  • Manufacturers
    • CITROËN
    • PEUGEOT
    • RENAULT
    • Alfa Romeo
    • Audi
    • Dacia
    • Daihatsu
    • Fiat
    • Ford
    • Honda
    • Hyundai
    • Lancia
    • Matra
    • Mazda
    • Mercedes-Benz
    • Mitsubishi
    • Nissan
    • Opel
    • Proton
    • Saab
    • Seat
    • Skoda
    • Suzuki
    • Talbot
    • Toyota
    • Vauxhall
    • Volkswagen
    • Volvo
  • Features
    • 10 of the best
    • CarTunes
    • General Bunk
    • It’s time to appreciate
    • Major Waffle
    • New cars
    • Regrets
    • Reviews
    • Save Our Scrap
    • Shatchbacks
    • Shednesday
    • The Barn
    • Whatever happened to?
  • Garage
  • Shop
0

Car Confessional: Old FARTs

Published by Gavin Big-Surname at 17th June 2013
Old FARTs on PetrolBlog: Proton Impian

It’s no good, I can hide my shame no longer. It’s time to pluck up the courage and tell the world about my love of ‘Old FARTs’. Or more specifically, Old Far-eastern Taxis. Like many people, I didn’t care much for them new, so therefore barely noticed when they slipped silently into bangerdom faster than you could say  ‘rapid depreciation’. But now, as they emerge from bangerdom with all the grace of a hippo on ice, I find myself falling for their Eastern charm. But why? God help me, why?

My affliction centres on an unlikely trio – namely the Proton Impian, Kia Magentis and Hyundai Sonata. Coincidentally they all arrived in 2001, but were less ‘products of the millennium’ and more ‘by-products of mediocrity’. There were others of course – I could easily bring the Hyundai Stellar, Kia Shuma, Kia Clarus or Magentis and Sonatas of a different era into the Old FARTs party, but I don’t have the same soft-stop for them. And there aren’t enough cheese footballs to go around.

Old FART: Kia Magentis

My trio of FARTs just seem that little bit more special. If they had built-in sat navs, the directions would be provided by Michael Aspel or Michael Parkinson. “Gently turn left at the end of the road and then pull over to the left-hand side and stop without indicating”. Or, “at the roundabout, take the first exit and join the motorway to proceed in a westerly direction at a steady 54mph in the middle lane”.

Or even, “straddle the middle white line and turn right into the cul-de-sac, where you’ll be met by June Whitfield, who’ll make you a nice cuppa tea”.

You can imagine the doors to the FARTs opening with an audible groan, followed by a sigh from the dashboard as one’s bottom touches the cheap leather seats. Up to 15 hides may be used for the interior of the Rolls-Royce Phantom. In one of the FARTs you sense the leather was sourced secondhand from a mush in a Shepherd’s Bush.

Old FART: Hyundai Sonata

None of them drove particularly well – the drive would be best described as stodgy and vague. But the FARTs did have one or two highlights. Like the silky smooth V6 engines found in the Sonata and Magentis. Or the fact that the Impian’s ride and handling was – genuinely – developed by the chaps in Hethel. Under duress, each one of the FARTs would complain vehemently, fighting back with a rolled-up copy of yesterday’s Daily Express. But when driven in a relaxed and careful manner – which let’s face it, most of them would have been – they were pretty refined.

And because they were dressed up in a kind of mock-premium way, the FARTs were pretty well equipped, too. I distinctly remember the Proton Impian X with its climate control, steering wheel-mounted buttons, leather seats, electric everything, heated this and power that. The icing on the cake was the wonderfully chunky half-wood steering wheel.

They didn’t look all that bad either, well not to me anyway. Of course this is probably because they looked exactly like the cars I drew in the back of my school books, aged ten. And because I still draw exactly the same cars today, I still find the FARTs appealing. Squint hard, look the other way and pour acid in your eyes and the Magentis could pass as a Cadillac. The Sonata had the look of a failed experiment involving a Jaguar and Mercedes. And the Impian – well that just looked like a Proton.

Old FART: Proton Impian

And the thing is – there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Twelve years on from when these FARTs burst on to the scene in a blaze of magnolia and a whiff of care home, they make for ridiculously excellent used buys. Being petrol-engined saloon cars, they were shunned by the long distance commuters and reps, and were instead driven by older people for trips into town. Service intervals won’t have been missed and each one would have been lovingly washed every weekend.

Get one before they pass into the wrong hands and you’ll get yourself a bargain motor. Everything will work, the history will be exemplary and if you can put up with the minor scrapes picked up on Dictionary Corner, you’ll have next-to-nothing to spend on it.

Picking the most PetrolBloggy of the FARTs is rather like choosing between your children. It’s virtually impossible. The Kia and Hyundai are appealing because they represent a time before the Koreans got all hip and trendy with their fancy warranties and edgy styling. But really it has to be the Proton. With a reliable Mitsubishi-sourced 1.6-litre engine and – thanks to Lotus – far-better-than-you’d-think handling, it’s got to be the greatest FART. Yours for around £1,000.

Old FART: Proton Impian side view

Go on, you know you want to. FARTing in public needn’t be embarrassing.

Old FART: Proton Impian
Old FART: Proton Impian side view
Old FART: rear of Proton Impian

Old FART: Kia Magentis
Old FART: rear of Kia Magentis
Old FART: Hyundai Sonata

Old FART: side view of Hyundai Sonata
Old FART: rear of Hyundai Sonata

Share
1


Related Waffle


Hyundai Heritage Series Grandeur rear light

The Hyundai Heritage Series Grandeur is the future we want

Nov 12, 2021
Proton Impian on the road

Can you make my Proton Impian dreams come true?

Jul 27, 2021
Hyundai V6 saloons

Shednesday: Hyundai V6 saloons

Jul 14, 2021
Kia Pride on whitewall tyres

Celebrating 30 years of the Kia Pride’s whitewall tyres

Jul 12, 2021

6 Comments

  1. Tom says:
    20th June 2013 at 5:05 pm

    Always had a huge inexplicable soft spot for the Kia Magentis, especially in facelift form, may have to go for it one day.

    You missed the Hyundai XG which I also rather like, I keep seeing one local to me recently and I can’t help but think what a fine car it is!

    Reply
    • Gavin Braithwaite-Smith says:
      21st June 2013 at 6:36 pm

      Oh, good shout. The XG350 would have been particularly interesting!

      One day we can all join the Old FARTs Owners’ Club! 😉

      Reply
    • Meetzorp says:
      27th June 2013 at 3:00 am

      I find the Kia Magentis strangely amusing, as well. I think because it gives every evidence of trying to be a budget S-type Jag. The styling is like a generic own-brand knockoff of the “Jaguar Marketed To Americans.” I was so taken with a random Magentis a few months ago, that I even blogged about it.

      http://www.meetzorp.com/2013/02/bangerwatch-kansas/

      These “FARTs” as you have it are so aggressively bland and mediocre that you can go for years without ever noticing one and then when you do, it can be a top opportunity for overthinking a mildly crap sedan (as we call it here in the US).

      Reply
      • Gavin Braithwaite-Smith says:
        2nd July 2013 at 3:27 am

        I remember that post well. When Bangerwatch crossed the pond! 😉

        A ‘mildly crap sedan’ – love it.

        Reply
    • Antony Ingram says:
      28th June 2013 at 11:54 pm

      I’ll say it – I quite like the Magentis too. Always liked that it was the cheapest V6-engined car on sale, and that it’s the complete antithesis of the term “sporty”, and therefore quite a refreshing prospect. That they’re now hilariously cheap and generally well-historied does nothing to dull their appeal.

      Reply
      • Gavin Braithwaite-Smith says:
        2nd July 2013 at 3:25 am

        The Magentis love-in continues!

        Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Latest PetrolBlog Videos:

https://youtu.be/fXRLAHLNX7M
https://youtu.be/0vnsNaXh7KM

PetrolBlog in print!

Classic.Retro.Modern

Support PetrolBlog – Buy Stickers

  • PetrolBlog sticker PetrolBlog car sticker £4.00
  • Tollfoolery sticker Tollfoolery car window sticker £4.00
  • My car is the goat bumper sticker My car is the G.O.A.T bumper sticker £3.00
  • Waffle & Bunk laptop sticker Waffle & Bunk laptop sticker £3.00 £2.50
  • Tollfoolery sticker Tollfoolery car bumper sticker £3.50
  • PETROLBLOG laptop sticker PetrolBlog laptop sticker £3.00 £2.50
  • French Tat bumper sticker #FrenchTat bumper sticker £3.50
  • Too Good to Scrap TOO GOOD TO SCRAP window sticker £3.00
  • GOAT My car is the G.O.A.T window sticker £3.00
  • Too good to scrap bumper sticker TOO GOOD TO SCRAP bumper sticker/plaster £3.00

What you’re saying

  • 18th December 2022

    davidgrayson commented on Would you look good getting out of a Toyota Sera?

  • 12th December 2022

    Lorraine commented on Your reminder that the Lancia Ypsilon is still alive

  • 15th November 2022

    J. Darion DuBois commented on Save it from the ‘Banger Boys’: Peugeot 604

  • 7th November 2022

    Mahmood Razak Bahman commented on Whatever happened to the Proton Coupe?

  • 21st October 2022

    Joey Deacon commented on Whatever happened to the Invacar?

Fresh waffle

  • Citroen 2CV resting on the back of a truck1
    PetrolBlog: the chump is coming back
    13th May 2022
  • 2022 Dacia Jogger in Terracotta1
    The Dacia Jogger is a practical remix of the Matra Rancho
    14th December 2021
  • Toyota Land Cruiser No Time To Die2
    No Time To Die in a Toyota Land Cruiser
    13th December 2021
  • Fahnome Knight Rider build your own KITT0
    Sponsored: K.I.T.T. from Knight Rider is now available as a kit
    17th November 2021
  • Hyundai Heritage Series Grandeur rear light7
    The Hyundai Heritage Series Grandeur is the future we want
    12th November 2021
  • Club PetrolBlog most beautiful1
    Club PetrolBlog members at their most beautiful
    20th August 2021
  • Renault Avantime in Geneva0
    You won’t believe these facts about French cars
    19th August 2021
  • 2008 Citroen C51
    Berlin or bust: the Unmistakeably German ad campaign
    12th August 2021
  • Bridgestone Potenza Sport tyres1
    PetrolBlog looks at Bridgestone Potenza Sport tyres
    11th August 2021
  • Toyota Camry V6 and Porsche 9243
    An unexceptional day out in the Toyota Camry V6
    2nd August 2021

Newsletters

PetrolBlog
ABOUT | ADVERTISING / SPONSORSHIP | PRIVACY POLICY | TERMS & CONDITIONS | CONTACT US

The world’s least influential car blog since 2010.

Copyright © PetrolBlog.

0
We use cookies to offer you a better browsing experience and analyse site traffic. We also share information about how you browse our site with our advertising and analytics partners who may combine it with other information that you have provided to them or that they have collected for your use of their services.
Cookie SettingsAccept All
Manage consent

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously.
CookieDurationDescription
cookielawinfo-checkbox-analytics11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-functional11 monthsThe cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-others11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".
viewed_cookie_policy11 monthsThe cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.
Functional
Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features.
Performance
Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors.
Analytics
Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc.
Advertisement
Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads.
Others
Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet.
SAVE & ACCEPT