Shatchbacks IV: Salvation

Published by Gavin Big-Surname at 7th March 2011

Something has been troubling me recently – I’ve had the feeling that something is missing from PetrolBlog. Not the usual problem of a lack of Hobnobs, but a serious problem all the same.

Then it dawned on me. There hasn’t been a Shatchback update for six months.

So, without further ado, grab a mug of tea and a Hobnob and revel in the horror that is a Shatchback: the booted hatchback.

Renault 19 Chamade – nominated by @sf4d74 and @markchristie

renault 19 chamade

Another entry from the French and another car that starts with anonymity, adds a box to the back end and hey presto, a Shatchback! The Chamade was based on the Renault 19 and graced UK roads for most of the 90s. Not that you will have noticed, such is the dullness that oozes from every panel gap.

The name Chamade stems from the 17th century and is a signal by trumpet or drum inviting the enemy to surrender. In truth, if the enemy saw this little horror appearing on the horizon, the resulting hilarity would render any form of attack useless. Either that or they’d surrender out of pity.

Chery QQ6 – nominated by @vhenryk

Another Shatchback that has fortunately never reached our shores. This little box of disasters is made by the Chinese company Chery, a name which itself must be some kind of joke. There is absolutely nothing cheery about this monstrosity.

According to the company, the QQ6 is based on the manufacturing concept of ‘high-level fashionable mini-car’. Seriously, that’s just a list of names you picked from the pocket-sized English dictionary you found in your boardroom, isn’t it?

But it gets worse. Dig a little deeper and you’ll discover that the company also claims that the QQ6 enjoys a fame of ‘Chinese Beatle’. What on earth does this mean? Are they really suggesting that the QQ6 bears a striking resemblance to one of the ‘Fab Four’? Which one in particular? Ringo perhaps?

One humbly suggests that the guys at Chery have spent far too much time with that Lucy girl and her diamonds. If, on the other hand, they’re referring to the Volkswagen Beetle, don’t make me laugh.

But there is one saving grace for Chery. The company has single handily managed to create the world’s most mind-numbingly dull online games. It was called ‘Can Not Dull’, but the site has since been removed. I survived a total of 56 seconds before I drifted into a deep coma…

Vauxhall Chevette saloon – nominated by @TimPhotography

After the QQ6, the Chevette seems almost appealing. Almost.

But perhaps I’m getting old, but I find it hard to be beastly to the Chevette. I hated it with a passion when I was growing up, but I have no idea why. Maybe it is time I cut the Chevette saloon some slack. After all, if a Chevette has survived this long, surely it deserves some credit?

I know this is the hatchback version – I need to source a pic of the saloon…

Vauxhall Chevette

Nissan Almera – nominated by @RetroandClassic

An episode of Shatchbacks couldn’t pass without an entry from the Japanese and thanks to Charlie Johnson of Retro and Classic Cars fame, here is the Nissan Almera. Now being based on the worthy but dull Almera isn’t the best start in life, but in Shatchback form it descends into a farce.

Nissan Almera Shatchback in Roscoff The Almera saloon is best avoided unless you live in a bungalow, read the Daily Express and enjoy trips to the seaside to drink tea from a Thermos flask. While sat in the car.