Honda once again emerged victorious at the annual Stating The Bleeding Obvious awards, scooping the top prize in the Most Reliable Used Car Manufacturers category.
Honda swept all before it, winning the award for the ninth year in a row. The combination of low failure rates and low cost of repairs has propelled the Japanese firm to the top of the charts. In short, if you want a used car that simply won’t go wrong, buy a Honda.
The Pope was also honoured at the glittering awards ceremony, picking up a gong simply for being Catholic. It’s the 1982nd time the Pope has won the award and he celebrated by taking his Renault 4 to the seafront and drinking some tea from a tartan-wrapped Thermos flask.
There was also good news for the world’s population of bears, who were once again recognised for their services to pooping in the woods. Presenting the award, Captain Obvious, said: “we have to thank the bears for their continued support of the Stating The Bleeding Obvious campaign. Where would we be without them?”
In an unexpected move, the sun was given a lifetime achievement award for setting in the west. Sadly, for health and safety reasons the sun was unable to attend the ceremony, but it did send a video message in which it expressed its gratitude for the Obvious award and thanked Honda for giving the world the NSX.
The Stating The Bleeding Obvious awards culminated with a lavish after-show party, which featured music by top indie band, No S*** Sherlock.
In an unexpected twist, the organisers of the Stating The Bleeding Obvious awards could ban Honda from entering next year’s competition. Captain Obvious said, “at the end of the day it gets dark”, before going on to say, “we need to make it fair for everyone else. Spare a thought for Bentley, Porsche and Jeep who are languishing at the other end of the table with not a snowball in hell’s chance of winning anything. Honda winning for a tenth time wouldn’t be good for morale”.
Meanwhile, Honda’s dealer management team is looking for new ways to keep staff busy in between services. Hondas are so reliable, the service and repair centres simply don’t see enough customers. There’s not a Honda technician in the UK who hasn’t completed all levels of Angry Birds or finished reading War & Peace from cover to cover. Twice.
Away from the motoring world, there are whispers that the Oxford English Dictionary is set to update the description for Reliability. In future, the result will simply say ‘For reliability, consult your nearest Honda dealer’.