Is the Seat Altea XL the saddest car in Britain?

Some cars are have the ability to make you feel sad behind the wheel. Step forward, the Mitsubishi Mirage. Other cars make you feel depressed when you’re forced to endure a flat 43mph stuck behind one on your favourite B-road. Once again, step forward, the Mitsubishi Mirage. But I put it to you now, that the Seat Altea XL is the saddest car in Britain.

Allow me to explain.

Having enjoyed a hearty lunch of cheesy chips and full fat Coca-Cola with Adam Sloman, I returned to PBHQ in a positive frame of mind. But as I drove home, I found myself getting more and more depressed. No, it wasn’t the sound of Steve Wright in the afternoon or the usual dark clouds over Dartmoor, rather it was the sight of a Seat Altea XL.

Depressed SEAT Altea XL

Have you ever studied the back of a Seat Altea XL? And I mean, really studied the back. Believe me, after a dozen or so miles stuck behind one, you’ll have an imprint of a Seat Altea XL etched permanently on to your retina. And it’s not a pretty sight.

Just look at those rear lights. They give the Seat Altea XL a look of genuine despair. As if there’s no hope left in life. It’s like the unfortunate Seat Altea XL has just been dumped in favour of a younger, sexier model. You can almost imagine it singing a Spanish version of The Smith’s ‘Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now’.

And those sparkly bits around the edge of the lights simply make them look like wet eyelashes mixed with soggy mascara, caused by hours and hours of incessant sobbing. “Why, oh why was I left in favour of a Nissan Qashqai? And dumped by text, too”.

Poor Altea. You could almost feel sorry for it, if you weren’t forced into looking at it.

According to Dr Hans Zarkov, formerly of NASA, car manufacturers often give cars ‘faces’ in an effort to help us warm to their new models. Zarkov told PetrolBlog:

“Cars like the original Mini and Austin Healey ‘Frogeye’ Sprite had cheerful faces, bringing happiness and joy to anyone travelling in the opposite direction.

“When finishing the rear-end of the Altea XL, it would appear that Seat was keen to take a different approach, choosing instead  to reflect the mood of the driver faced with spending an hour behind the wheel of the people carrier. A kind of statement – look at this face, now you know how I feel.”

SEAT Altea XL

The question is, have you seen a car looking more depressed than the Seat Altea XL? Answers on a postcard to the usual address. We’ll be sending out new retinas and some eye drops to the best, or rather, worst suggestion.

Further waffle you might like

Facebook Comments

comments

ABOUT AUTHOR
Gavin Big-Surname
The chief waffler and founder of PetrolBlog in 2010. Has a rather unhealthy obsession with cars from the 80s and 90s, and is on a one-man mission to collect the cars nobody else wants. Also likes tea and Hobnobs.

11 comments

  1. August 4, 2014
    Tony

    Never knew the Altea was referred to in a Queen soundtrack…

    Reply
    • August 4, 2014
      Gavin Braithwaite-Smith

      Flash, Flash, I love you, but we only have 14 hours to save the earth…

      Reply
      • August 4, 2014
        Volvo480owner

        …Gordon’s alive! 🙂

        Reply
        • August 6, 2014
          Gavin Braithwaite-Smith

          He says, in his best Brian Blessed voice!

          Reply
  2. August 5, 2014
    EndlessWaves

    The second generation Citroen C4 has to be a contender with that tear in it’s headlamp mourning how pretty it used to be.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Citroën_C4#mediaviewer/File:Citroën_C4_Exclusive_(II)_–_Frontansicht,_20._Juni_2012,_Wuppertal.jpg

    Reply
    • August 6, 2014
      Gavin Braithwaite-Smith

      You could be right.

      Although it looks more angry than sad. Like it has just swallowed a wasp.

      Reply
  3. August 11, 2014
    Peter Counsell

    Front view of the Alfa 166, pre aggressive facelift. Strikes me as very mournful.

    Reply
    • August 11, 2014
      Peter Counsell

      Like a dog that has just been told off
      http://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alfa_Romeo_166

      Reply
      • August 12, 2014
        Gavin Braithwaite-Smith

        Hmm, sacrilegious as it sound, I’d have to agree with you.

        Still, it makes up for it by having one of the best interiors in the business.

        Reply
  4. September 24, 2014
    Mark G

    The eyes on this Skoda says it all
    http://www.pinterest.com/pin/501588477220718875/

    Reply
  5. December 18, 2014
    Antonio

    This Maserati would have been happy if only its Mummy had shown it more love earlier in life…

    http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Silver_Maserati_3200_GT_in_Nancy,_France_2013.jpg

    Reply

Leave A Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *